Anyway, went fishing around for some SMEXY Hidan references (yes, 'cz he's just cool like that!) and guess what? I came across this AWESOME fanfic called Quotidian. It's about Hidan and Temari - two absolutely awesome Naruto characters - and no, it's not a love story... well not in an explicit, straight-forward way. Like the original author described it, it's supposed to be a "mindfuckery"of sorts ^^. Indeed. Totally screwed mine, and now I'm all inspired to write out my own little Hidan/Temari fic ^^'. Anyway, this one's 'supposed' to be a little different... and yes, I'm still trying to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to upload the whole thing onto DA. >_,<
‘This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds
To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance.
A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky,
Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain.’
-Buddha
Chapter 1 - Autumn Clouds
The silver haired man slammed the book shut and sighing, placed his elbows on his knees. He looked up at the pale blue sky, violet eyes catching the rays in their
eternity. He watched the clouds move, slowly to the left.
He sighed. “As transient as autumn clouds is it?” He watched the clouds for a few moments longer and closed his eyes.
As transient as autumn clouds...
Rushing by...
A flash of lightning...
Impermanent?
The young man frowned. That was a lie. He bit his lip.
“Tch, and to think for a moment there I actually hoped it was a possibility. Fucking heathen’s book!” Hidan glared at the green copy of the Dhammapada. He had somehow come across the Buddhist book at a flea market he went to with Kakuzu the previous Saturday. It was absolutely unlike him to grab a copy of a heathen’s book and worse, keep it. Buddhists were non-believers, weren’t they? The worst kind. All that talk about non-violence, peace, and Nirvana. It sounded too mushy and gooey and passive for the likes of him and his religion.
Yet there was a great deal of talk about pain and suffering in the scriptures too. Something that drew Hidan to the old bookshelf it was exhibited on. Something that made him want to read and find out. His own religion was full of pain and suffering. Pain, suffering, judgment... those were things that had to be delivered to those who didn’t believe. To deliver. That was his job, on behalf of his God, Jashin.
But Hidan believed. He believed and trusted in his Lord, Jashin Sama, with every ounce, every sub-atomic particle of his being. And for his faith and loyalty to his Lord was he granted the gift of immortality. He sacrificed for his Lord, prayed every day, tried to please Him, hoped He would be happy, proud of him.
And yet, Hidan occasionally felt unsatisfied. His Gift, his immortality... it made him different. He could not die like any other living being that came to life in this world. He came into this world the same way as everyone else, yet he would not go with them when they passed away into the next. He would not die. He could not. And yet he wanted to.
Every time he performed one of his elaborate rituals, he sure as hell felt the pain and anguish that went through his victims as he stabbed, sliced, and tortured them. In those slow and cherished moments, he imagined what it would be like to go through death: something he would never be able to experience. Something that was deprived him. The very thing that made him stand all alone and apart from everybody else. He paid close attention to how each victim reacted. They were all different. The degree of pain that each one felt when he stabbed here and then there... the fear... the faint memories... It was all unique.
It made him angry and sad at the same time, and he didn’t understand why. It felt good, he told himself, when he killed. It felt good to ‘feel alive’. But it was, somehow, not enough.
Something was missing. Something big. Perhaps it was the irony he had to live with: to be able to live forever, yet not feel completely alive unless at the expense of somebody else’s life. Perhaps it was the fact that life itself had become of little value to him now that he was immortal, and yet everyone else had that very something to cherish for as long as they lived. He had his faith, it was true, but...
“Seriously, what the fuck am I going on about?” Hidan got up, patting his robe clean of sand. “What the hell got me thinking about all that deep philosophical shit?” He looked at the green book. “Stupid shitty book! Shredding this crap into bits isn’t going to do it for me, got to find a better way to fucking destroy this! Totally annihilate this piece of shit!” ... saying which he quickly slipped it into his pocket.
Picking up his scythe, the silver haired man treaded the sand quietly and walked over to his partner. The older masked ninja stood under a bridge, quietly planning out the cheapest, most efficient way to get through their two assignments. He casually glanced up in acknowledgement at his approaching partner and went back to calculating and strategizing. Hidan leaned against the cold hard stone of the bridge they were under.
“Where’re we staying tonight?”
“A few miles from Sunagakure,” Kakuzu replied gruffly, slightly annoyed at the moment’s deviation from his meticulous calculations.
Suna... Hidan slyly shot a glance at Kakuzu, and seeing that his partner was conveniently absorbed in his own thoughts, let out a small, almost inaudible sigh.
Suna... She is... I...
He shook his head and quickly brought his hand up to his face. Shit he thought. This isn’t the time to be thinking about her! Fuck! He grabbed a handful of hair. Fuck fuck fuck... His other hand slowly rose to his chest and lay over his heart. “Fuck...” he whispered.
“You’re still thinking about her?”
Hidan jumped. Kakuzu’s voice had startled him, shaking him back from his memories, his visions, his thoughts. “What the fuck Kakuzu?! Why the hell did you have to go and scare me like that? Shit you’ve got a really creepy voice you know that?”
Hidan seethed. Not so much because he was taken by surprise, but more by the fact that Kakuzu had that stupid intuition thing going on whenever he tried to think about her. He raised his hand to his scythe and rested it there.
“We’re not staying anywhere near that place.” Hidan looked away as he said that, biting his lip. His heart raced madly. He wanted to go back to Suna, but not in hell was he ever going to admit it! He was sure it showed on his face and he didn’t want Kakuzu to see it.
“Well I’m not willing to pay to stay at any other place since everything else is hell expensive.”
“What the fuck Kakuzu, you cheap bastard!” Hidan glowered, his scythe glinting in the sunlight. But Hidan didn’t complain further. He just stood there in silence, looking at the distant trees.
“You’re still thinking about her aren’t you?” Kakuzu smiled behind his mask. Hidan was still silent. Kakuzu stared at his sullen partner, trying to take in his expression, trying to understand what was reeling in his mind.
Hidan straightened his shoulders, hand still on scythe, and started to walk. Kakuzu followed, still smiling. He sure has changed, he thought. Usually Hidan would start whining and complaining, spewing colourfully assorted strings of sentences at him, cursing and accusing him no end until he developed a severe migraine. However, the last visit to the Sand Village had brought home a different man, and Kakuzu felt like a stranger before him now. It sort of made him sad, but at least there weren’t any migraines involved...
The pair wound their way toward the inn, mostly in silence. Hidan seemed to be preoccupied throughout the journey. He became fidgety when they came closer to their destination. The large round residential complexes loomed in to sight in the horizon. Sand lifted from the dunes and wafted over the distant image, blurring the red sky above the scene.
Whilst in their room, Hidan leaned out of the window. The heat was intense. He squinted. There were clouds: red and gold ones. They shifted ever so slowly over the stretch of blood red infinity. This existence of ours is as transient as the autumn clouds...
He gripped his fingers tightly around the edge of the window sill. The clouds moved above him, changing shape as they passed slowly by, and soon disappeared from his degree of vision.
Changing shape...
Every moment, changing shape... Never the same cloud as before... Changing like emotions, thoughts, experiences, never the same person as before...
Passing by...
Growing, changing, fading away into the distance... Just like the others... Just like everyone else...
Disappearing...
Disappearing. Dying. Becoming... what?
Hidan felt the blunt weight of the green book quietly prod his thigh through his pocket.
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